Posted on Saturday, March 13, 2010, at 8:59 AM
After attending Adam Khoo's workshop, i have learnt to look at things from a different perspective. The positive side that is.Life used to be great.. Then, after the workshop, it became awesome.
Knowing that i was a person whom was filled with high self esteem and confidence. Given the special ability to entertain small crowds.
However, i feel really stressed out today. Today was my 2nd emcee experience. The first didn't go well.. Everyone in my class would say, "eh jeric! what you say just now? Very mumbled leh!" That really affected my confidence and self esteem.
However, I began to gain courage and learn from my mistakes. And thus, i was able to regain my lost confidence.
Thus, already known that the first time is always full of mistakes, everyone would think that Jeric being the campfire's emcee would not be a bad decision.
However, I being Jeric is not that kind of person at all times right?
Today, i felt that i have screwed up. The campfire had 5 emcees. And I was the Overall In Charge for the emcees. And so... being the OIC.. its really stressful..
Just think about it.. without you... there wont be an emcee and then there is always someone expecting that you know the stuff you are required to know when its your first time....
I mean.. Me.. A person that rarely goes to campfires and hardly enjoys it, becoming the campfire emcee.. Don't you think that theres something wrong? I know that in reality you will not be given choices and have to do with whatever is provided. But I dont really care cause there are other people who can be it!
I dont care if you want to give me a chance or what.. Somethings just cant be forced. When i dont want to become the emcee for the campfire, I mean it..
Now, look what have i done. Caused a cock up during today's campfire.. Other people might not feel anything.. But i felt like i was a let down.. The scouts have given me a choice to represent them in such a event which is native to us scouts..
Me, not being able to sing some of the songs, made me feel inferior.. I wanted things to be well planned and organised.. Everything to go smooth and well, but sometimes there are some complications. Like me, just a few hours before the campfire, i was told of some rubrics we have to follow to grab the attention of the audience.
Perhaps, I feel socialising isnt a really good thing for me.. Just saying the standard lines has caused people to feel irritated by me.. What kind of verbal entertainer can I be? A clown? I will do my best to entertain my friends, they are whom i am able to cherish.
Today was a fucked up day.. This day would be hard to forget.. I have no idea why.. but i can only pick up all the bad points I have.. Like irritating voice, small guts, useless mentality.. With all these factors in my mind, I have seriously lost a lot of my confidence in myself... There isnt anything that i should feel good about today... I even ran round the school for nothing!
Just before I end this, I really appreciate some people helping me through this period of time. even though it has not pass...