Posted on Monday, October 26, 2009, at 4:49 AM
Disclaimer: This post is solely based on MY feelings. No offence to whoever is mentioned.anyways... where do i start?
oh ok..
lets go to Ambition.
today i thought that i was a little too ambitious for myself.
yesterday..
my father and my brother quarreled over the dates for RTC and my Korea trip..
well... i was fed up with them quarreling.. so i shouted at the dinner table..
i said 'okok! can we leave!?'
then. i was thinking.. why must my brother quarrel over such things..
why must he be so proud? why must he have to 'die die must win' attitude..
my father is already so old.. cant you lay off the fighting?
cant you let him live without much burden!?
you are adding more stress to him! and he is so old..
+ he needs people to support him now.
why cant you all care about him!?
argh..
next..
well. this few days.. i have been going for scouts and such..
then during the quarreling.. my brother said 'whats the point in putting so much effort in CCAs?'
i thought about it.. though i thought about this before..
he then said 'CCA only.. now you are so busy with your CCA.. next time you will regret!'
i thought..
really? would i regret?
scouts. a cca i hated..
but its not an ordinary CCA..
its a brotherhood kind of thing..
i like it somehow.. and i hate it a lot..
its kind of like a mix?
anyways..
these few days, we had to do a lot of stuff..
Open house, RTC, Hike.
well.. it may seem like nothing..
but those are quite HUGE events..
these things are make or break for my scout unit..
but i find that... DID I PUT IN MY EFFORT?
of course.. i did the paperwork.. i liked doing it... cause i dont want them to have a cock-up during important stuff..
i just find that... there's just a point where i cant really accept scouts.
argh.. i dont know..
next.. this is quite personal..
lately i feel that i am not sure of my sexuality.. I have these imaginations...
its so desirable.. but i dont know whether is it normal..
erm.. before you go on.. please dont talk to me about this in school..
its rather embarrassing..
saturday. ms noraini said to me.. I have to get a life.. i need a girlfriend.
well... i dont know about that.. whats this girlfriend buisness?
i dont get it... i think i am too young.. and unexperienced..
i cant handle responsibility.. in fact i HATE that..
i think i just need time to re-think my thinking..
ALL I NEED IS A CRUISE by myself..
just relax... cant really do that in Singapore.. there's just too much people..
next.
i would like to review the year's performance.
well.. firstly..
results.
English - C5
Chinese - C5
E Maths - A2
A Maths - F9
Physics - B3
Chemistry - B4
Combi Humans - C5
well... i think you know it isnt really good..
its horrible...
and F9! this is my first F9 in my life...
Was i expecting that?
of course not..
anyways..
i have nothing to talk about that now..
i was actually thinking..
its already the end of my secondary 3 life..
3/4 of my secondary school life...
people said that secondary school life is the most fun period of your life..
like a milestone i guess?
but..
I dont think so.. Well.. apart from cycling which is not even part of school life..
nothing really makes me in the FUN... if you know what i mean...
I regretted my PSLE results if you guys have not known..
i want to make a comeback in my 'o' levels..
Mr Fahmy got 2 points for his L1R5.. which is the lowest i could get... as in including the bonus points..
if i got that.. and i made it to VJC..
the world would lighten up like an LED lamp..
faster than all lamps...
Why?
its something to do with my goals.. i presume.. i dont really know..
anyways..
i really feel left out.. as in deep inside.. still.. no one really knows me..
including me.. i am doubting myself..
i didnt plan to make jokes.. i just had to..
its second nature... but why do i do that?
it hurts people..
argh.. i feel that i am really trying to do my best to turn the world a better place..
I wished that EARTH would be healthy.. no global warming and etc...
i wished world peace... no riots.. all happiness..
i wished equality.. i dont want things with 2 points of views..
i wished for hope. HOPE my people... is one of the most easiest abundance we can forget..
there is hope. for you. and for me.
but how do we get there?
that is your challenge.
i tried my best to say whatever i wanted to say.. but if i didnt..
you can always.. msn me... or whatever communication ways to connect me..
Bye.